Glasgow

Glasgow has been seriously out of order for 800 years,
 as long as we’ve had the Fair. It is the birthplace of the
 Industrial Revolution, antiseptic surgery, the raincoat,
Ian Brady and the Boys’ Brigade.

It is currently home for three orchestras, two chamber
 orchestras, an opera company, one internationally famous
 theatre company and at the last count 18 others. It also
houses what has been called
“one of the most remarkable assemblages of works of art
ever brought together by one man.”.

Mary, Queen of Scots, fought her last battle here, Bonnie
 Prince Charlie met his mistress and Robert Burns bought
 Jean Armour’s wedding dress.

One district contains what is believed to be the oldest
European site of continuous worship, and St Valentine’s
 bones are here.

“Wee Willie Winkie” was written here, and The Wealth
 of Nations was planned here. Robert Service was educated
 here, so too was the first Director General of the BBC,
 then plain John Reith. He bullied a schoolboy called
John Logie Baird; they met later in life, though neither
forgot their early encounter. Albert Einstein lectured
us on Relativity and a Glaswegian founded McGill University.

We have the second oldest Chamber of Commerce in the
 world, the only Doge’s Palace outside Venice, and the
 only sea-going paddle steamer in the world.

We built the first column to Nelson, the first memorial
 to Sir Walter Scott, had the first cable underground
system and gas lit streets. We placed great faith in the
 tramcar, had the world’s first municipal tramway system,
 the world’s longest track, at 238 and a half miles, and
the world’s busiest junction.

We have “the most astonishing piece of earthenware
ever made”, the largest public reference library in Europe,
the biggest indoor market in Europe and Europe’s first
 temperance meeting was held here. This was the northern
 limit of the Roman Empire.

Presbyteries were named here, giving the world Presbyterianism.
 Mr Anderson’s Polytechnic was the world’s first department
store and Glasgow is currently the third biggest shopping
centre in Britain.

We boast a gents’ outfitters which stocks more suits than
 any other. Per head of population, we have more parklands
 than any other European city.

We have a population of around 725,000, of whom
17.7 per cent are under 14 and 19,4 per cent are over
60; 445,000 people are employed here; 22.6 per cent of
Strathclyde Region’s labour force were looking for work
 in April 1989. Glasgow has 40 parks covering 3,325
acres. We have our own herds of Highland cattle,
Clydesdale horses, sheep and deer.

Glasgow has a total land area of almost 49,000 acres,
has a housing stock of 304,668, is on the same latitude
 as Moscow and until recently, our rainfall averaged
between 37 and 40 inches per year, with temperatures
 ranging between —18 and 30 degrees Centigrade.
The Gulf Stream that laps the shores of the Atlantic,
the hills to the north and south-west and a prevailing
westerly wind give us a moderate climate.

Glasgow is the only city in the world to have its own
 dictionary,claimed as the best selling Scottish
paperback ever.

To stand at a bus stop in this city is to
invite conversation!